post 2 - mental health

Hey, welcome back...

So, if I expect this to be a comfortable space for everybody to share their stories and life experiences, and expect vulnerability from people, the least I can do is tell you something somewhat relatable and helpful. This post is going to be about mental health, how I have struggled in the past, how I am still struggling now, and how I could help, what you can do to help those around you, and in that, how you could help yourself. Also, I am in no way a professional, or therapist, or any of that cool stuff, although, psychology does excite and interest me, and sometimes, advice or help coming from someone close to you, or close in age feels more comfortable than going to a therapist or social worker or other. 

I would also like to put a trigger warning on this post, so please take necessary action, cause I luv you <3

So, I guess I'll just dive right in talking about how my story of struggling with mental health started....

Like many stories I've heard, it started with bullying. I was in grade 3, so I was nine, and I don't even know why I was being bullied, I guess I was an easy target, but only the bullies themselves know the answer to that question. Though, what I do know is that they tried to separate me and the very few friends that I had. That was also a big factore- friends. I started morphing into a disrespectful, selfish little person, and I went to see my school's social worker, but I never mentioned who the bullies were, which was a mistake on my part, but I just didn't want to be ridiculed even more than I already was. 

 Which led to me having no friends, getting no help, and keeping things bottled up. 

- Advice: tell someone you trust, because them helping you is probably going to do more good than bad, and it will get you more help. 

This led to what I believe was depression, though I wasn't diagnosed by a doctor. I became very s***cidal, and tried to end my life too many times for a child the age that I was. 

 All times, unsuccessful, clearly because I'm sitting here writing this. 

Moral of this part of my story is that you should ask for help, if you need it, because trust me, you deserve it!!! Even if you're scared, everybody is scared of something, so don't let the fear of opening up to someone stop you from getting the help you need and deserve. 

Moving onto the stresses and anxieties of school, because I am of the opinion that school is a big factor of mental health problems, and the further I went into school, nothing got easier, because... I mean.... school gets harder to deal with the higher you go. And there was this one project that I actually hated. With a passion. A burning passion. It was to with heritage, and I had to do a comparison of what I was like when I was 10, what my mother was like when she was 10, and then what my grandmother was like when she was 10, and I just hated comparing myself to other people, so why on Earth would I put any effort into this project, right? 

 I put no effort into the project :/ 

My parents weren't too happy with the mark I got, but oh well.. 

That caused me to stress about EVERYTHING after that. Projects, homework, getting to school on time, getting answers right in class... Everything. But now, I stress less, not a lot less, but less than I used to. 

I started using rescue remedies in times where my anxiety got really bad in school, which started in grade 7, and I decided to stop using medication of any sort last year in October, because I realized that it was stressing me out about forgetting my small tub of rescue remedy tablets at home, when I was experiencing an anxiety attack, just worsened my anxiety to a point. So, instead I started using the four-second-breathing technique, which is basically breathing in for four seconds, holding for four seconds, exhaling for four seconds, holding for four and repeating till you feel normal again, which does help most times, but it does take some getting used to, and practice dealing with your anxiety, because it's not something you should be ashamed of. 

It was really difficult to come out and say all of this, so please don't abuse how vulnerable I am being. 

More to come soon :) 

If you have any suggestions on what I should write about, or if you would like to comment on what I've written, never hesitate to contact me via Instagram: @justapublicdiary 

Thank you for reading

Until next time, 

luv you <3